I am so conflicted emotionally right now. I have set up an appointment with the doctor to have the Essure procedure done. It kinda bothers me though. I know I have 5 kids which is really alot. With Dougie I knew I was done. I wanted a tubal right after I had Dougie but my Doctor was crappy and yeah didn't get it done. Now over a year later I finally have it scheduled. Now I question if we really are done. Like if I get it done I will be losing out on something. This is why I wanted it done right after I had Dougie so there was no question on my mind. I know it sounds weird cause I have so many but I love all my babies. I know it would be hard having anymore. Logically I know it is the best choice but emotionally it is killing me. And I can't talk about it with the hubby cause he will just think I am crazy. Plus it is a sore spot since he was suppose to go get the big V done before Dougie was born and he chickened out and has left it to me to get "fixed". I feel like curling up and crying.
*had to edit cause I knew we went through this before and I actually had a post April 8 2008 about it. Wasn't sure how to link to that post but seems like same feelings and emotions.
3 comments:
((((HUGS)))) Natalie is 6 1/2 weeks old, right? I swore we were done at 3 there was no way we'll ever have more... yada yada yada. Only Will mentioned a 4th child (I think he's joking) and now its in my head. Argh.
And he is supposed to get the big V done, too. Is it done? um... no. I hate this feeling.
This is compounded by Natalie being... well a girl. I have always thought I would have a son and now I feel let down. Sure I love her and wouldn't change a thing but I keep imagining that little boy that I was so sure I would get. (I need to cry on Brie's shoulder about this one.)
Have you considered an IUD instead of something more permanent? Those can last 5-10 years or be removeable.
We are moms, thats what we do, what makes us feel important, and when you take that baby making ability away... well it's sad. My hubby had the V done right after Kasey was born, and even though I know that it was a good choice, I'm still heartbroken that there is not a possiblity that we would have more. Every time my period is late I think, oh maybe we are that 001%. Thanks for sharing such an honest post, and know that your not the only one that has a hard time with this.
Thank you for understanding. I just dont even know how to express it to G without sounding a bit looney and I know most people would look at me that way also because of the 5 kids.
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