Well I have finally found the light at the end of the tunnel. I swear to you I am not crazy, I just fell that I am sometimes. the joys of working and being a mom and student. I finally sat down and talked to Steve about his attitude toward me doing everything for him and changing my schedule constantly when ever he calls. He was actually quite understanding and apoligized for taking advantage of me and my time. I let him know that I enjoy having the time with Katie but can't change everything when ever he decides to change shifts or has something going on and needs me to watch her and then decides he doesnt need me to and he completely understood. It was so amazing that me just talking to him and telling him exactly how I felt about it made me feel so better. I also talked to G and told him some of the things that I have been holding in for awhile. So me having a day where I was able to tell everyone exactly what has been bugging me and how I feel about things did me a lot of good. I feel so free now instead of feeling so icky from keeping everything in. I realized it is so much better to have someone to vent to then keep it in until I just see the darkness, and my poor hubby gets most of the brunt of it if I keep it in. So my sweet husband has decided we would make time each day to actually talk about how the day went and if anything is bugging me, without having the little ones in the next room to hear all of it. So we will probably go for walks like his parents just so we can talk for a bit and let everything out about our days. Wow it is so nice to finally be in the light again and be so free feeling. Sorry my blogs have been dreary lately hopefully they will be more happy and light from now on. I have finally found my rainbow after the storm even though he was there the hole time and I was breaking him apart with all my emotions. I know it isn't the best picture but he is my rainbow and the light at the end of my tunnel.
Friday, March 2, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Losing it!
ERRR! It has already started as one of those weeks. I woke up Saturday with Pink Eye. Then we got our joyous 2 month call from Gavin's mom that evening. On sunday I was still feeling pretty crappy so I called Katie's dad to see if he could keep her an extra day but of course that was a big fat No. But when I get there to pick her up he has the nerve to ask me to rearrange my schedule this week because he wants to trade shifts with someone and work swings so he wanted to pick her up either early thursday or on friday morning. Which I tell him is fine, because I really do enjoy my time with Katie, most of the time. Then today I wake up with this horrible migraine that just wont go away. Katie picked today of all days to be in her clingy "don't leave my sight" moods. So we got through most of the day until nap time when she decided she didnt want to take one and fought with me for over an hour. Finally got her to sleep for her to only sleep for half an hour. Then about 4 o'clock her dad calls and says he doesn't have to work swings so he wants me to change my schedule again so he can pick her up on thursday. Now I am off to soccer practice to make two or three more trips to the field. I am just losing it. I don't know why But I feel so hollow inside and can't really handle any of this right now. More to come later off to another practice.
Joy
We went out in the desert last monday for a little bit with the kids. We were only able to stay out for alittle while because of the rain which was a real downer becasue we had all been looking forward to going out there for awhile. While we were out there G and Katie had some bonding time when he let her drive the exploder. She was having a great time but really want paying alot of attention. Needless to say the other kids started to ask to drive but we told them they would have to wait until we got the blazer back licenced and on the road. Other than that we had a really good trip out.
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